“Where have you been?” is a common question I get asked these days…Let me tell you how excited I am to be HERE! Not only here on our new blog site, but here in my life with all the new and fresh lessons I’ve gained from hands down the most challenging period of my life. I have taken the last year as time to heal, adjust and focus immensely on my children. The following post is one I feel strongly about posting. I’m looking at where I was a year ago and where I am now….and wow…humbled in every way for the outpouring of love and support that have been extended my way. THANK YOU!
Letting go has everything to do with “FREEDOM” and nothing to do with “quitting”…Letting go of hurt, pain, sadness, the things I can’t control, others choices and behavior, etc…and keeping all the other yummy things…which provides PEACE and FREEDOM!
Hands down this was one of the most heartbreaking post I’ve ever made…here was my original post I made on social media exactly one year ago…when my husband informed me he didn’t want to be married anymore and desired a divorce so he could go find his happiness…yes, his exact words etched in my mind. Things moved so quickly and it was just easier to post once on social media and it gave everyone a chance to understand where I’m was coming from…
In the moment I’m completely heartbroken, confused, sad, mad, frustrated, SAD, did I mention sad?!!!…yet completely peaceful and feel a strength that is way beyond me. The Lord and Holy Ghost are with me and I pray daily to have the comforting spirit fill me, surrounded me and protect me (that’s my daily Mantra I’ve had for years and right now it’s very fitting more than ever!)
Mr. P and I will no longer be married and I have so many questions, many of which may never be answered. I love him with all my heart and every fiber of my being. I love deep, long and passionate! I don’t know how to fall out of love with him and it hurts so bad. I love being married! I believe in marriage! I believe in an eternal marriage and family.
So I have a few requests, in no particular order…
*If you bash, hate on or say anything unkind about him I will unfriend you without even blinking an eye or batting an eyelash! He is still the father of our 2 beautiful girls and they are hurting. Not nessary to go there…kindness matters. I’m not ok with his decision, but I will be kind about how I respond to this choice of his.
*I love peeps! Won’t turn those away at the moment….and no I’m not eating away my sorrows. I’m dealing with them very well…I just love peeps!
*I love my girls with all my heart and soul…please show only love to them. Don’t ask them questions. Refer to us. They will be loved beyond words!
*please show love and kindness to Mr.P. He will still be around and in my life, just not as my husband. Please do the same towards me. Don’t avoid me. When people go to uncomfortable or it hurts too much they tend to avoid because they don’t know what to say. Show love…let me cry on your shoulder, laugh with or have a good time over yummy food (I love food!)…I need my friends more than ever, but please don’t be offended if I’m not in the mood or don’t respond right back to you.
I’m not broken you can’t fix me. Just love me! That’s all…show love and drop off peeps!!! or fresh fruit (I love me some fruit)
Love you all and thanks for understanding my requests at this time.
Oh my…it still has a slight empty feeling even revisiting this post. But here are some big things i’ve learned from this post.
*Kindness matter still! It really does
*I am doing well. It’s taken me a year to get over Mr. P. I’m proud of the work and effort I’ve done to get to this point. I really didn’t know how i’d get over it, but I did. I’ve had an outpouring of people, resources and information that have helped me fall out of love with him…through the entire process it still felt awful to me. Its so not in my nature to just fall out of love with someone. I deeply desire a healthy, fun and eternal relationship and honor marriage to the highest degree.
*I’m so grateful I know how to fall in love and stay in love! This is now a quality I seek for in my relationships.
*My children are adjusting well. They may never adjust to the fact their dad left and miss the little things like kisses at night and hugs in the morning! Oh the tears i’ve wiped and hurt i’ve tried to comfort. No texting or phone call can ever replace the actual feeling you get with another person face to face.
Happiness is a choice. No one or nothing can make you happy. You must make the choice to be happy within yourself, love yourself fully and completely and know who you are …then all other possibilities outside of yourself exist.
The simple statement he requested from me…”I no longer want to be married and I want to go find my happiness…”
was followed by a very heartfelt reply from me…”I love you enough to let you go….to find your happiness. I found extreme happiness within myself and being married to you…I pray you find this as well. If you can’t while being married to me, then I let you go…I saw the struggle and honored agency enough to know Heavenly Father would be with me in my marriage as well as outside of my marriage.
This is how I choose to remember my marriage and family…because to me the 17 years we were together were beautifully wonderful…not perfect! But good for me.
Full of love, laughter and fun.